Me: OK boys we’re going to do physical metaphors. Reverend, push the Protester while saying your monologue, Protester push back while singing Amazing Grace. If one of you is stronger than the other, let up a tad!

Reverend: I’m going to have to let up a lot…

The boys start the exercise. It is obvious the Protester isn’t pushing back.

Me: Actually push him, Protester

The Reverend slides back 8 feet.

Reverend: Well. That was Karma.


The Spotlight Sandwich

I have recently run into a problem with multiple groups of students. Young thespians everywhere seem to be unable to stop eating. I think it will soon be an epidemic. Maybe it’s because they are terrified that the current economic state will render them penniless and cause them to starve. This past week, we have reached the point where, not only do the students need to snack on every break, but they need to constantly keep their food it their sight. The best example I can think of is the story of The Spotlight Sandwich :

Last Friday, I walk into the middle of a run through and I notice something on the edge of the stage, right where a spotlight should be shining.

It was a sandwich. I could not make sense of it for multiple reasons:

  1. There is not even the hint of a sandwich in our show
  2. The sandwich was abandoned. No one was eating it, no one was even acknowledging it’s existence. Students were acting around it, no one stopping to pick it up.
  3. It was on the floor.

So I point to the sandwich, the students all look at me and shrug, as if no one knows how or why it’s there, so I put it on the table in the auditorium. Later, the sandwich’s owner looks at me and says:

"Hey, you moved my sandwich!"

…he seemed upset. I hadn’t intended to offend him, or harm his glorious meal in any way. Slightly appalled I just stare at him for a second before responding,

"Yeah, it was in the middle of the stage"

WELL! He did not like that one bit, he stutters out, “Y-YEAH. I wanted it there!”

"Why?" I ask, actually, genuinely curious.

He couldn’t answer, so he grabs his sandwich and sulks off to eat it.

Today, as we finish running act I, the same student jumps off the platform he was sitting on, holding a ziplock baggy containing what appeared to be The Spotlight Sandwich. I stare at him. Shocked.

"Is that another sandwich!? What is up with you and sandwiches!?"

His answer was clear and concise, “I don’t know, I just like having it with me”

…fair enough.


The Stage Sleeper

High school is tough. Especially when you’re a freshman just discovering how to budget your time with more homework, more extracurriculars and more video games coming out every day. You lose sleep and its difficult to figure out where to cut back to make time for something as mundane as sleep. Most students chose to pick up their lost hours of slumber in class, or out of their study time. I have a student who chooses a more studious approach to catching up on ZZZs: rehearsal naps.

Whether it is during a concentration exercise, dialect work or a run through, this student finds every opportunity he can to take a quick nap. This prepares him for his next task and keeps him peppy for the rest of his day. However, he occasionally oversleeps and this is the usual result:

Sophie (looks at me, points at The Stage Sleeper): Kkkkkaaaaattiiieee, he fell asleep again!

Me : Gently wake him up. GENTLY SOPHIE!

Sophie punches The Stage Sleeper

The Stage Sleeper : Oh MAN! What? Is it my line! Oh maaan. Is it my line? Which line is it?

End Scene.

"It’s my character choice, because my character is cooler than all of the other characters"

—Quinn, 7th grade

"Would it be appropriate to flip her off at this time?"

—James, 8th grade